Bootstrap Hypocrites

You know, I have heard it my whole life.

(he's just not like us)

Now, my family is not so long removed from falling off the turnip truck. The area I grew up in is full of second and third generation Americans. These folks worked hard for everything they have, and many, especially those from Eastern Europe, faced rampant discrimination when they landed here. Plus, being farmers and coal miners, we were in a small minority. Very few folks understood the realities of our lives.

(we just can't trust him)

Hard work is part of the family narrative for my generation. There was nothing that could stand in our way, we just had to work hard, keep at it, nose to the grindstone, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Anything is possible. Ignore the folks that think you are stupid because you are rural, and have a funny last name, and grew up on a farm.

(he will take care of his own kind)

For some of us, that is part of the appeal of Barack Obama. Here is a guy that did not have a bunch of advantages. Not so far from falling off the turnip truck. The way he was raised was different than most folks. He has a funny last name. And talent plus determination plus hard work got him into Columbia, and Harvard, and the Senate. Now, maybe even to the Presidency!

(all his appointments will be for THEM)

It's not just that of course. Lots of us have families, and work hard at careers, and are paying off student loans, and juggling what to do with our careers. We see ourselves in the the Obama family, someone who will understand us, work for us, realize that what happens in DC has consequences for us all.

(someone that looks like that is not going to keep his promises)

For most of us, the plans for health care and tax cuts will help too. For the RARE one of us lucky enough to be pulling in a quarter million a year, slightly higher taxes are a small price to pay to get all kids insured, get the country back on track, once again become the envy of the world. Our folks back home do even better under the Obama plan, with lower taxes and the possibility, FINALLY, of decent and affordable healthcare before reaching Medicare age.

(he is just SCARY, and our nation will go to hell with someone like that in the White House)

So the folks back home must be supporting Obama too, right? Right?

Ode to Iteration

I have been thinking a great deal lately about perfect. I hang out online in lots of Mommy dominant groups. I see such a focus on getting everything perfect. It is an obsession, every facet of parenting must be executed with unerring precision, each child must have exactly the right behavior/diet/stuff/activities or the whole thing was a failure.

Take my kids and my food sensitivities. I figured all of the sensitivities out using trial and error. Even if I had much faith left in allopathic medicine, we don't have the classic IgE allergies. Those are the kind you can go get skin pricked for and, barring the all too common false negatives, you get an answer. So I eliminate suspects, then when the reactions go away we trial one thing at a time to see what is causing the problem. Sure, it takes a while. Sure, you do need to be careful if the reaction is a serious one, and take the necessary precautions. But even allergists, good ones anyway, will tell you elimination and trial is the only way to really know the answer.

Maybe it is because I am a scientist, but it amazes me that most people can't do this. I have lost count of the discussion board threads where a parent goes from doctor to doctor with their sick child. Test after test, appointment after appointment. Weeks and months go by. There is great consternation and frustration, and the child is not getting better. All that trouble for nothing, yet when you suggest keeping a food diary, eliminating a few common food allergens, and maybe switching out a few of the chemical cleaners for more natural items, you might as well be a purple Martian. Folks act like you are absolutely out of your mind, because it is way too hard and besides, you can't possibly take away such and such wonderful healthy food without PROOF that it is causing harm! And how can you kill all those horrible germs without the heavy duty toxic cleaning products!

Even in the wonderful food group I am in you see this. Folks obsess over eliminating just the right things. Spend more time planning the elimination diet than the time it takes on the diet to improve things. Or when things improve, even dramatically, they can't see the forest for the trees. Instead of rejoicing that the eliminations fixed the stomach problems and the eczema and the crazy behavior, they constantly tweak and switch things up and go crazy figuring out if they are getting enough of this or that vitamin. Not only do they rob themselves of the enjoyment of all the improvements, they never get the job done because they can't stop tweaking long enough to actually figure out what is going on. They focus so much on the "mistakes" they made in the diet that they lose focus on the goal, a healthy child.

Every aspect of parenting today is like this. Teach kids readin, ritin, and rithmetic. Forget the joy of a good book, the love of penning a kind letter to a friend, the absolutely nifty a-HA! moment of figuring out that four full 1/4 measure cups fill the 1 measure cup exactly to the top. Make the kids behave, instantaneous obedience and aquiesence to the adult. Forget communicating with the child, helping the child make good decisions, and setting the example. Build the resume to get into the right college (or high school, or PREschool!!). Forget following interests, building on strengths, or heck just letting them be kids and build a fort in the back yard.

I don't know all the answers, our family is far from (that word again) perfect. I yell at my kids sometimes. They misbehave. I forget that a certain food is not safe. They don't always pick up their toys. Horror of horrors, we all watch television. We also play, make messes in the kitchen in pursuit of the yummy cookie, take afternoons to hang out by the pool, sit together reading books, and take long walks after dinner in the evening. We let ourselves have fun and enjoy, even when we have not been perfect.

Yup, I admit, I don't know if I am doing this right. But I DO know, with iron clad, 100% certainty what perfect is.

Perfect is the enemy of all that is good.

Open

I have been an independent since before it was cool. I am a PA Republican at heart (the Tom Ridge sort, not that weirdo Rick Santorum). But there is no place in either party for me at the national level, and since we move so much I just don't bother with the vast wasteland that party politics has become. Most of the time none of the candidates is worth anything anyway, so I don't miss much by not voting in the primaries.

This past weekend, DH asked a rhetorical question: So, if you could vote for any one candidate regardless of party, who would it be? I had to think long and hard. See, I like two of them. One I feel would be better for moving us forward into the brave new world. The other I think would be better for keeping us safe, actually KEEPING us safe and not making a bunch of sound and fury and at the end of the day the only folks better off are the multinational corporations in the military industrial complex. We talked a great deal about it. Debating the merits of this or that one. Talking about how ads and emails are full of half truths and bad analogies. I finally picked one, but again it was all rhetorical. I joked I might have a hard time come November if these two somehow made it to the top of the heap for their respective parties.

Turns out, I won't have to wait until November.

See, Virginia has what is known as an "open" primary. You don't register your party, you just go in and ask for the specific ballot you want. Wow. Just Wow. So what am I supposed to do?

There is something different about this election. Do you feel it? It is like it really really MATTERS this time. Like we have a great choice to make here, how are we going to go forward as a country, as a people, as citizens in the greater world. And for once, just once in my memory, we actually have a chance for a real choice. We have the chance to put a decent, hardworking, WORTHY candidate atop the ballot in BOTH parties.

So in two weeks, I will vote for the one that needs my vote more here in VA.

Still don't know what I will do in November...........

Theocracy of Hate

One of my favorite bloggers is Rebecca of Random Musings. While our worldviews, religious convictions, and families look a great deal different, I find much there I agree with (like, you know, coffee) and everything is worth reading.

The last week or so is no exception. Rebecca has posted a thought provoking and thoroughly disturbing series on kinism. If you are not familiar with this incredibly dark and ugly sect within the evangelical community, I urge you to head on over and take a look.

Much of what is wrong with the world today is not how different we are. It is how, because of our differences, we have forgotten that the 'other' is a PERSON, fully and wholly a human being. How else can we explain the blatant disregard for life, for liberty, heck, just for basic COURTESY when dealing with one another.

Why have we forgotten: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE...

Three Boxes

I got an copy of this blog post in an email the other day. I have no doubt I will receive it again. And again and again and again. Now, I disagree with a great deal of what Sgt. Jeffers said. I don't think it is unpatriotic to disagree with a particular President, to think a war is a mistake, to report on the bad as well as the good. However, one thing I agree strongly with is that a whole bunch of folks in this country give a bunch of lip service to 'support the troops' and do exactly two things to support the troops: Jack and Shit.

The true irony of Sgt. Jeffers' words is this, people are doing EXACTLY what he so despised. Instead of actually doing something concrete, they are mindlessly forwarding his words in spammy email with titles like 'This says it ALL' and 'The last words of a great soldier.' Give me a break, okay? Do you have any idea how LAME you are when you read this, forward it to all your friends with a little 'wow, this is really deep,' then get on up and pour yourself another cup of coffee? Folks, this man DIED for our country. The least you can do is honor his wishes. I am not telling you to go out and do x, y, and z for 'the troops.' It is up to you if you want to support a friend or neighbor overseas this holiday, or help out a family here at home missing that loved one. I am saying if you do something, actually DO something that will make a difference.

There are three boxes sitting here in our office/sewing room/guest room. Three folks we know well, overseas. The neighbor we like, despite his being a FSU Seminole. The (nearly) shortest dude ever to wear a flight suit. The desk jockey one day, on the ground in the thick of it the next friend that will miss his first child's first everythings in the next few months. The boxes are open, and I am sending them to arrive in the doldrums of after-holiday January. I keep pitching stuff in, wondering just how much I can STUFF into the things, thinking about what I can and cannot send over. Thinking of these brave men, and all the brave men and women who are far away tonight.

Sometime soon, three gifts will journey afar. They will journey to the land where, 2000 years ago, three other gifts arrived in celebration. My gifts will be far more humble, and the recipients merely human beings. I hope that my gifts will in a small way honor these men and the season.

And I pray for peace on Earth.

Cuppa GI Joe

I am writing this to ask you (all what, seven of you) for a favor.

Now, I don't know what you think about the wars we are in. Heck, half the time I wonder if I know what I think about what we've gotten ourselves tangled up in. One thing I do know, there are lots of really great people over 'there' doing what the powers that be have told them needs doing. Even if you exclude the whole fact that you are getting SHOT AT, BOMBED, and otherwise endangered, life there often sucks.

You are away from your family for months. The weather is lousy. There is no sex. There is no beer. And the coffee tastes like . . .

Um, well, yeah, uh, let's just say the coffee tastes bad. And you can't do much about about most of that, but you CAN do something about the coffee. You don't need to go to the store, the post office, or get yourself tangled in that packing tape stuff. There are all these wonderful coffee companies, many of them micro roasters, who are happy to send your coffee donation to the troops. They vary in how they work, how much they charge, whether or not they match the donation, things like that. I have listed a few, I am sure you can find more, perhaps even someone local to you.

So raise a mug in salute to their service, and if you can, help them raise a mug too.

-A

Coffee Donations To The Troops:

Boca Java will match your coffee donation pound for pound. (this is who I use)
Island Joe's won't win any web design awards, but their award winning coffee can be donated.
Maxey Coffee Company will send your coffee donation to a service member and a buck to AnySoldier.com.
Dunkin Donuts holds a monthly drawing, 50 winners a month receive a case of coffee. FREE!

Off The Beaten Path

It is a bit hard to get to, though you can see it easily from the 395. The folks building roads in the DC area love to make you change lanes, and you need to drift right, and right, and right again across about a zillion lanes of traffic. The signs are barely there, they could not be more than a couple feet square and a couple dozen yards before the road you need to take.

But finally, there you are. The US Air Force Memorial. Situated on a bit of land next to the Navy Annex, its spires rise out of the ground and soar skyward. As you walk the grounds, the quiet of the place seeps into you, despite being surrounded by asphalt and traffic.

The quiet is deeper than immediately apparent. As you stand under the spires and look to the distant Washington DC skyline, a large flag comes into view. It is then that you realize that here, 6 years ago, a plane taken over by evil in human form flew over. Low enough to see and hear far too much, it crashed moments later into the side of the Pentagon.

On that day, people stood in parking lots, sat in cars stuck in the traffic, jogged along paths and sidewalks, and in a moment were forever changed by their witnessing of history. Many still hear the plane in their dreams.

On that day, it was hitting or missing the traffic. A TDY. A transfer to a job a month before. Stopping for coffee on the way into work. A newly reinforced building section, offices miraculously empty because so many had yet to move in. All that stood between life and death on that day was a moment, a split second decision.

On that day, there was no rank. Military and civilian from the very top of the ranks to the very bottom dug in the rubble, and listened to the firefighters, and prayed.

Never forget.

Bad Medicine

Maybe half a dozen docs in my area will clip a tight frenulum on a baby's tongue to solve nursing problems. Fewer than that will even CONSIDER doing it for tight frenulums on the lips, and then only if the baby is under general anesthesia. You want to find a doc to cut off the end of your infant son's penis? No problem. So my intact son has a not so great latch. I imagine his lips will get fixed the way his sister's did, falling.

My son's original pediatricians were happy to prescribe Zantac and other acid suppressing meds for E-baby's reflux. The response to doing what actually helped, getting food allergens out of my diet, was 'well, if you really think it helps, but you might not make enough milk on such a limited diet.' Um, hello, have you looked at my 18 pound, 4 month old, finally stopped spitting up baby?

My daughter's OB needed an episiotomy to deliver all less than 7 pounds of her. My midwife helped easy my nearly 9 pound son into the world with barely a scratch. That was just the tip of the iceberg in the differences in birthing my darling children. But people think I am brave, crazy, or both for giving birth to my son at home.

Sigh.

Here's Your Sign

I wait patiently for someone to back out of a parking space in a small lot. Helps us both, I stop traffic for her and she provides me with a spot. As she clears the space, enter that familiar villain into the parking lot. Lady driving alone in a monster Suburban, cell phone glued to ear. She quickly sizes up the situation and hits the gas, aggressively rocketing part way into the parking space and stopping. The woman backing out, instead of pulling forward and out of the lot, now must back up in a tight space to have the room to leave and give Little Miss Entitlement room to pull the rest of the way in. I either have to wait for another spot to open up or walk across a busy through way with two small children.

The vanity plate on the Suburban: 4JESUS.

I am about to merge into the circular on/off ramp from the highway, and a truck comes around on the on ramp part. Seeing me with my turn signal on, he ignores the huge space behind me and guns the engine in order to pull out onto the highway in front of me. He barely makes it, even though I see his aggressive bordering on crazy driving and do my best to keep out of his way.

His tailgate is festooned with a school of fish. Yeah, those fish.

Aggressive, nasty, rude, and careless drivers abound in these parts. But if something makes you stick out, if your car is unique in some way, your rudeness will be noted and remembered long after. Super expensive car? People will comment you must think you own the road too. Beater car? People will assume your lack of finances indicate a lack in other areas. When you stand out, your actions, particularly the negative ones, speak more loudly still. And people will attribute the bad behavior to whatever it is you are already standing out for.

Come on folks. When you do these things, you give Christians a bad name. Sanctimonious jerks talking the talk (loudly) but not walking the walk. Why should anyone believe your Sunday if you aren't living it Monday through Saturday? So do us a favor and at least PRETEND to care about your fellow drivers here.

Or take that stuff off your car.

ICK, Breastmilk!

Okay, so does anyone have a shovel? Because, you see, I need something to scrape my jaw back off the floor. Seems that in Columbus, Ohio, the Buckeyes are not the only complete NUTS.

If you are a breastfeeding Mom looking for day care in Ohio, don't bother looking at City Kids. Your milk is not welcome. Biohazard, don't you know. I mean, they will take it, grudgingly, if you pay an extra 50 bucks a week. Unless they are not taking it at all. I guess it depends on the month.

Good heavens, I wonder what they would have thought of me. H-3 , with her many suspected food allergies, took my milk to day care with her until 16 months of age when we moved and I decided to stay home. I nursed her nearly every day at lunch too. I had asked if nursing or bringing breastmilk would be a problem after a year. They said no problem, several children had brought breastmilk with them past infancy. At least one had continued until he left the center to attend kindergarten.

Read the full story over on The Lactivist. I am going to go nurse a baby and put a band aid on my chin...

And I am a Lutheran...

I found a link to this neat quiz over at Random Musings:

You scored as Calvin. You are John Calvin. You have a Nestorian Christology and separate the Divinity and Humanity of Jesus. You believe only those who have faith are united to Christ, who is present spiritually, yet you call this "Real." Calvin 88% Zwingli 63% Luther 63% Catholic 13% Unitarian 0% Eucharistic theology created with QuizFarm.com

Ironically, Rebecca tested out as mostly Lutheran. :)

Get Off Your Butt

As you read this, millions of Americans are without healthcare even at its most basic. This number grows every day.

Our schools, instead of being great equalizers of opportunity, provide a huge boost to some while offering little more than crappy babysitting to others.

We are debating, vicously and mostly through the courts, the question of abortion.

Our national debt represents a huge burden to be passed on to our children. We have no plan on how to pay for Social Security in the future.

Our economy is dependent on oil, much of it obtained from unstable, unfriendly, or undemocratic countries.

Not so long ago, in a country half way across the world, over three fourths of the eligible population braved bullets and bombs in order to cast a ballot. One of the great questions of our current time is how involved we, the US of A, should be in the shaping of that country. Whatever you think if the war that got us involved, or any of these other things, you need to make your opinion known. Without the participation of the people, the great experiment that is Democracy is doomed.

GO VOTE.