Auld Lang Syne

So, there are not a whole lot of things I regret in my life. There is almost nothing I regret doing, and only slightly more I regret saying. I mostly live life figuring that risk and the possibility of failure and hurt are WAY better than a safe, but very boring existence.

As such, the regrets I do have are the things I didn't do. And one of my biggest regrets is the fact that I really, really suck and keeping in touch with people. It is not that I don't have good intentions (hello, road paving anyone?). I just either get distracted, or busy, or think, 'oh I will wait until I have a chunk of time to reply to this.' And it slips to the second page of my message book or my email box, and then it was so long ago, and on and on. Events nudged me every so often, trying gently to remind me that really, a 5 minute call or quick note now is better than waiting for that 'when you have time' thing. I would get better for a while, then slip back into my old ways.

And then this past fall, the nudges stop. I get a big karmic kick in the teeth. It is not my story, and I don't want to go on, but suffice to say I lost someone this year. The spouse of a close friend, and because, well, neither of us took the time, I did not even know she was sick until I got the message from my friend that his wife was gone. She had been battling cancer for three years. This time, I got the message.

And here is where the risk, and the failure and the hurt come in. Because I decided it may have been a while, or a LONG while, but I am going to write that note, or send an email, or pick up the phone. And sometimes that hurts, because the note gets tossed, the email unanswered, the call, always, seems to hit the voice mail. I know, folks move on, they forget, they do other things. But, despite being a smart alec, and irreverent, I break pretty easy. Okay, really easy. I think the one that hurt the most was the conversation that ended mid stream, with no explanation. That still stings, a month later.

But there are rewards too. The 3 hour phone call with the friend you really did think you had lost, but that had never actually been lost at all. The note you got from a dear friend, telling you how much you have meant to her, that brings tears to your eyes. The other connections you make, friends of friends of friends, and the happy memories they bring back.

So I will keep putting myself out there, I still have a list of folks, people I have not contacted in a long time, that I am thinking about what to say. I won't wait too long this time. I hope that we reconnect.

And I appreciate even more those that reach back, or never lost touch in the first place because they can put up with or overlook my erratic ways. Thank you.

And those voice mails? The notes and emails? That one conversation, stopped mid-stream? All I can say is, for me, friendship does not have an expiration date. A week, a year, 5 years? If you reach back, and I am where you can reach me, I will answer. And I will do it sooner this time. And know too, old friends, no matter what, you are never, ever forgotten.

Reading is FUNdamental

I have always been a reader. Family lore has it that I learned somewhere around the ripe old age of three, and have had my nose in a book ever since. While my parents were occasionally (okay, frequently) annoyed at the chores I left undone while engrossed in the latest tome, it was a habit they otherwise encouraged.

So, in order to share my favorite hobby, and let you people know how truly strange I am, I started a list in the sidebar, My Last 10 Books. Now, I often read several things at one time. I stash a book downstairs for evening reading, one in the van for carpool waiting or when I sit in the driveway in the interest of two kids getting a nap, and one in my walk in closet for when I can't sleep, but also can't stray too far from the La Leche Leech, lest he wake the household in indignation that his na-nas have wandered off. So I will add books to the list as I finish them.

Oh, by the way, each book listed is a link to Amazon, as it was the easiest thing I could think of. If anyone has a better idea, I am all ears...

Life is What Happens...

...when you are making other plans.

In an instant, a day, your life is turned upside down. Everything that was true about the future, isn't. Everything you have been moving toward disappears. A person you don't know makes a decision, and people that don't care shore it up, because to do otherwise would negate all the premises that built the whole thing, and the whole must be preserved, even at the expense of the truth, and your future.

And yet.

You have your health. Your children. Your family. You find out, truly, who your friends are. Life moves forward, and you with it. And you realize this has happened before, more than once. And that, given that we have free will, this will likely happen again, and again, this side of Heaven.

And also, there is Grace. That flip side to free will. I have never, really, believed in the 'God has a plan for you' line, at least not in the way people mean it. I will not justify the poorly thought, the mistake, the selfish, or the pure evil with 'God has a plan.' I believe that God has a PLAN, that PLAN is his Children in Heaven. That is where the Grace comes in. Not only are we saved from our sin, and our free will, by Grace alone. That Grace includes the strength to move forward, the forgiveness when we fail, the Love of a Father.

A week ago the future was ours, the choices all good. Now there may not be any choices. There is a path, which from here looks more like a long, dark tunnel with little hope of light at the end for a very, very long time. But we will walk it, together, hand in hand. We will carry our children, take strength from our friends and family, and believe with all our heart that God is with us.

Two State Solution

Okay, my fun prediction for the election. PA and VA are the states to watch, as they go, so goes the nation.

If PA goes Obama, and VA goes McCain, it will be a very long night.

If both go Obama, he will win decisively, though there will be some heartburn, probably a loss in FL or OH.

If both go McCain, he will win in a squeaker, following the electoral map laid out by Bush.

If they flip, and PA goes McCain and VA goes Obama, get ready for a very, very crazy week. The election won't be called until tomorrow at the earliest, and may go several days and several rounds in several courts.

Okay folks, so what are your predictions??

Get Thee To Thy Polling Place

If you have yet to vote, why are you reading my lame little blog??!! Come on, if I could drag my sorry behind out of bed at 0515 this morning and drive to the polls BEFORE finishing my first cup of coffee, you can go and vote.

And the stats: About an hour wait, I got there at 0540, polls opened at 0600, I was done and back in my truck by 0640. Line was long but moving fast, we had 3 candidates and no questions for voting.

Oh, and if you think of it, thank each and every poll worker you have the opportunity to thank. They are a key link in all of this, and got to the polls crazy o-dark-early, so that all of us can exercise our Constitutional right. It is going to be a very long day for these people, and a smile and word of thanks will surely be appreciated.

Bootstrap Hypocrites

You know, I have heard it my whole life.

(he's just not like us)

Now, my family is not so long removed from falling off the turnip truck. The area I grew up in is full of second and third generation Americans. These folks worked hard for everything they have, and many, especially those from Eastern Europe, faced rampant discrimination when they landed here. Plus, being farmers and coal miners, we were in a small minority. Very few folks understood the realities of our lives.

(we just can't trust him)

Hard work is part of the family narrative for my generation. There was nothing that could stand in our way, we just had to work hard, keep at it, nose to the grindstone, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Anything is possible. Ignore the folks that think you are stupid because you are rural, and have a funny last name, and grew up on a farm.

(he will take care of his own kind)

For some of us, that is part of the appeal of Barack Obama. Here is a guy that did not have a bunch of advantages. Not so far from falling off the turnip truck. The way he was raised was different than most folks. He has a funny last name. And talent plus determination plus hard work got him into Columbia, and Harvard, and the Senate. Now, maybe even to the Presidency!

(all his appointments will be for THEM)

It's not just that of course. Lots of us have families, and work hard at careers, and are paying off student loans, and juggling what to do with our careers. We see ourselves in the the Obama family, someone who will understand us, work for us, realize that what happens in DC has consequences for us all.

(someone that looks like that is not going to keep his promises)

For most of us, the plans for health care and tax cuts will help too. For the RARE one of us lucky enough to be pulling in a quarter million a year, slightly higher taxes are a small price to pay to get all kids insured, get the country back on track, once again become the envy of the world. Our folks back home do even better under the Obama plan, with lower taxes and the possibility, FINALLY, of decent and affordable healthcare before reaching Medicare age.

(he is just SCARY, and our nation will go to hell with someone like that in the White House)

So the folks back home must be supporting Obama too, right? Right?

Holey (insert explitive here)

Before we purchased it, our house was built/modified/maintained by crazy rabid squirrels smoking crack. Butt ugly wall paper, over other butt ugly wall paper. Paint colors in the same room that should not exist together in the same zip code. Walls where the framing was WAY more than half a bubble off plumb, as were the framers apparently. Mistakes made and hastily covered up. You get the idea.

We have redone most of the house, and just got finished with a total redo of the bathroom. Now, the contractors were great people, but we don't have the money OR the constitution to have folks in our house to do everything. So we are updating the kitchen ourselves.

Okay, so we stripped the butt ugly wall paper, took down the 6 cabinets that never should have been put up, and we are working on the patching and priming. And we were having a disagreement. See, the CRSSC had put a blank wall plate on the wall behind the stove. We figured it was because the outlet was partially blocked and therefore not usable. So we took it off to get at the wallpaper and found

nothing.

Yup, no wire or anything. Just an empty electrical box. The nearest thing we can figure is that they needed the wire for the above the stove microwave. I wanted to remove it, and patch the hole. The husband said no, it will be hard to get out and it will make a big hole in the wall.

Remember those contractors? Well, they needed to get an electrical box out and patch a hole. So they showed me how. Simple really. You pry the box away from the stud a little bit, then cut the nails. Then you do a bit of fancy cut work with a piece of drywall and voila no more hole in the wall. Easy Peasy.

You do see where this is heading don't you?

Since the hubby is out of town, I figured I would use the time my kids were happily reading books this afternoon to get the box out. Now, the prying part was accomplished by the 6'4" contractor dude with a largish screwdriver. While not wee or wimpy, I was in a tight spot and could not get the leverage so instead, I used a small pry bar. And I did not have the nifty little zip tool to cut the nail, so I used a small hack saw.

It was all going swimmingly. Nails exposed, saw working fine. Got the nail to let go.

Remember that pry bar? Well, thing is, even the small ones are heavy. And it is easy to put a bit too much pressure on the wrong spot. Which, in this case, was the side of the electrical box. Which suddenly found itself not attached to the wall on the bottom. And then found itself outside the wall, unfortunately via a path that took it through a large portion of the previously solid drywall next to the box.

I will let you know if the patching goes any better than the prying...

Ode to Iteration

I have been thinking a great deal lately about perfect. I hang out online in lots of Mommy dominant groups. I see such a focus on getting everything perfect. It is an obsession, every facet of parenting must be executed with unerring precision, each child must have exactly the right behavior/diet/stuff/activities or the whole thing was a failure.

Take my kids and my food sensitivities. I figured all of the sensitivities out using trial and error. Even if I had much faith left in allopathic medicine, we don't have the classic IgE allergies. Those are the kind you can go get skin pricked for and, barring the all too common false negatives, you get an answer. So I eliminate suspects, then when the reactions go away we trial one thing at a time to see what is causing the problem. Sure, it takes a while. Sure, you do need to be careful if the reaction is a serious one, and take the necessary precautions. But even allergists, good ones anyway, will tell you elimination and trial is the only way to really know the answer.

Maybe it is because I am a scientist, but it amazes me that most people can't do this. I have lost count of the discussion board threads where a parent goes from doctor to doctor with their sick child. Test after test, appointment after appointment. Weeks and months go by. There is great consternation and frustration, and the child is not getting better. All that trouble for nothing, yet when you suggest keeping a food diary, eliminating a few common food allergens, and maybe switching out a few of the chemical cleaners for more natural items, you might as well be a purple Martian. Folks act like you are absolutely out of your mind, because it is way too hard and besides, you can't possibly take away such and such wonderful healthy food without PROOF that it is causing harm! And how can you kill all those horrible germs without the heavy duty toxic cleaning products!

Even in the wonderful food group I am in you see this. Folks obsess over eliminating just the right things. Spend more time planning the elimination diet than the time it takes on the diet to improve things. Or when things improve, even dramatically, they can't see the forest for the trees. Instead of rejoicing that the eliminations fixed the stomach problems and the eczema and the crazy behavior, they constantly tweak and switch things up and go crazy figuring out if they are getting enough of this or that vitamin. Not only do they rob themselves of the enjoyment of all the improvements, they never get the job done because they can't stop tweaking long enough to actually figure out what is going on. They focus so much on the "mistakes" they made in the diet that they lose focus on the goal, a healthy child.

Every aspect of parenting today is like this. Teach kids readin, ritin, and rithmetic. Forget the joy of a good book, the love of penning a kind letter to a friend, the absolutely nifty a-HA! moment of figuring out that four full 1/4 measure cups fill the 1 measure cup exactly to the top. Make the kids behave, instantaneous obedience and aquiesence to the adult. Forget communicating with the child, helping the child make good decisions, and setting the example. Build the resume to get into the right college (or high school, or PREschool!!). Forget following interests, building on strengths, or heck just letting them be kids and build a fort in the back yard.

I don't know all the answers, our family is far from (that word again) perfect. I yell at my kids sometimes. They misbehave. I forget that a certain food is not safe. They don't always pick up their toys. Horror of horrors, we all watch television. We also play, make messes in the kitchen in pursuit of the yummy cookie, take afternoons to hang out by the pool, sit together reading books, and take long walks after dinner in the evening. We let ourselves have fun and enjoy, even when we have not been perfect.

Yup, I admit, I don't know if I am doing this right. But I DO know, with iron clad, 100% certainty what perfect is.

Perfect is the enemy of all that is good.

Babywearing Bonanza!

While I don't do traditional advertising on this blog, this contest was too good not to pass along. Win FIVE baby carriers! How cool is that? The link will be in my sidebar until the contest winner is announced. There is no purchase necessary. You get one entry for answering a babywearing question, however you want. You can get a second entry by posting a link. That's it!

Oh, and I would be remiss if I did not mention the Babywearing Conference this week in beautiful Chicago! Wish I could be there.

Good luck everyone.