Money Laundering

Clinkclinkclinkclink.

Pull out clean wet clothes. See something shiny. Fish a dime out of the bottom of the laundry tub.

Stick it in your pocket, go about your cleaning day business. Get incredibly dirty.

Take a long hot shower, after tossing your filthy cleaning clothes in the hamper.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat..........

Me, Myself, and I

This blog, and everything published on it, is mine. My thoughts, my words. I will occasionally quote things (briefly, with full attribution and a link to the original) or link to things for background material. But that will be clear and transparent. I'm not shilling for anyone.

Also, I don't speak for an organization. The opinions are my own, and don't necessarily represent any organization I may or may not be a part of. And if I'm doing it right, I may well piss off a number of organizations I may or may not be a part of.

Just so you know.

Thinking

The first thing I think is "Oh CRAP! What's the speed limit here? Am I under it? When did they take those trees down? He's totally hidden that cruiser in there."

The second thing I think is "I need to make sure I tell MilDad about that speed trap since he drives home this way."

The third thing I think is "Duh. Like he's really worried about speed traps when he's driving right now."

And then I try really, really, really hard not to think anymore.

As my hand floats above the publish key....

When I started this blog, I saw it as a way to get some of the political and analytical stuff out of my brain and onto a page. There was some fun vignettes, but nothing much very personal. I find that is changing.

What I have been writing is, as they say, much closer to home. Some from the joy of the great family I have, some from the challenges of solo parenting and dealing, alone, with the sheer amount of crap that you have to deal with as a military spouse.

I am also no longer publishing a quasi-anonymous blog. I never worked hard to hide my identity, but I also never put this blog out there as me. Only a very small number of people knew this space as mine. Now I am linking here from places that have my identity.

So it is taking me a while to publish. Some because I am thinking hard about the benefit before I publish something with raw emotion. Some because there are organizations that I think need a good strong airing out and some direct sunlight, but providing that puts some of my volunteer work in danger. I need to make sure the needs I fulfill are covered before risking that.

So there will be a couple housekeeping posts. About how this space is me and my opinions and not anyone else's. And about what I will do with comments (spam deleted, pretty much anything else is a go unless it is seriously ugly).  And the dates on things might be funky, as I dither about what to post and what to just save.

Bear with  me. Thanks for reading. Talk to you soon.

Packing Day

The bags are out and open. Every clean, horizontal surface is covered. With clothes. With papers. With gear. With stuff.

There are lists. Fifteen of this, ten of that. What to put in which bag. What not to bring.

We ply the littles with movies and snacks. The baby with milk and toys. We are on edge.

You sip a beer, slowly. You won't have another for months.

I look at it all. There will be no boot blackened socks to bleach. No t-shirts to soak the sweat out of. I won't carefully transfer the patches to a clean uniform in order to wash the one you insist you can get one more day out of. How long before I stop bending over to scoop up the pajamas you leave, every morning, next to the hamper? How long before it is real? This empty place in my home, in my heart.

Tomorrow there will be lazy morning coffee. And good food. And wine with dinner. And the beach. And then the next, we will do this. You do this thing that you are called to do. I will be here. Brave. True. Strong.

But not today. Today is packing day.

Today I am undone.

Starting over

It's been so long. We've been busy here at the home of the Homebody. Bought a fixer upper. Procreated (welcome T-baby, October of 2010). Schooled and unschooled and moved and renovated and prepared to be Home Alone while MilDad is deployed. So much, so fast. It left my words whirling in my head in circles that defied expression. Nothing would come out in coherent form.

But lately, the world has shifted. Not just magnetic north, wandering with the powerful and often tragic shifts in the Earth's crust. But our politics, our communication, our idea of what it means to be a country in the world. And I found that instead of whirling, I was processing. I still am. There are a great many things I want to write about. And I feel the words wanting to come out, instead of whirling away from my fingertips.

How long will it last? I don't know. But I hope to let the words out to play, once again.

Waxing Philosophical

Recently, on one of my favorite internet groups, a member asked about food philosophies. Below, I share my reply.


My number one, iron clad, absolute belief about food is that there is NOT a number one, iron clad, absolute truth about food. :)

Seriously, we are all different sizes and shapes, do different things, and come from different backgrounds. Culture, philosophy, and faith have a role in what we consume. What works for one person can make another terribly ill. There is no one food (animal products, tofu, wheat, cow dairy, baby vegetables braised in morning dew ambrosia by forest fairies, etc) that is essential for humans to consume. Even breast milk, which *is* essential for most babies to consume, is something a very small fraction of babies with very rare conditions cannot have.

This is my truth:

Mostly fruits and veggies and some good quality animal protein are the basis of a healthy diet. Grains are something that need to be a small portion of a healthy diet. Wheat gluten is poison. The brown food group (coffee, tea, and chocolate) are part of what makes food worth eating and will not be banned without cause. All things in moderation, especially alcohol. Messing up is part of life, learn from your mistakes. Giving in to temptation once in a blue moon is part of life, forgive yourself. Dairy is not essential to life, is not great for any of us, and is poison to the small boy. No matter how much I like cheese. Potato chips should not cross the threshold, and this does NOT mean the whole bag should be consumed in the car. Breastfeeding should continue until the child and/or the Mama is totally done with it. Avoid, as much as possible, eating anything with manufactured chemicals on or in it.

Find your own truth. Enjoy the journey. Don't allow Perfect to prevent and destroy Good. Celebrate the victories. Cook with your friends and your kids. Make a mess in the kitchen.

And now, if you will excuse me, there are some brownies and a Riesling-pear sorbet calling my name...

Grandma's Ginger Snaps, Gluten Free

In honor of the upcoming holiday season, my favorite cookie recipe. This was the first baking recipe I converted when I said goodbye, forever, to gluten. In part because I love ginger snaps. In larger part because, when you come to terms with drastically changing your life and your diet, you need some connection. I needed to know that the foods that connected me to my past where still, in some manner, accessible to me. And so, my Grandma's ginger snaps were transformed.

I hope you enjoy them, too.

Grandma's Ginger Snaps

3/4 cup shortening
3/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1 egg or the flax goo equivalent
2/3 cup white rice flour
2/3 cup tapioca flour
2/3 cup corn starch
1 tsp xanthan gum
2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cloves
2-3 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp salt

Blend flour, spices, and xanthan gum. (A whisk works well for this) Cream together sugar and shortening. Add the molasses and the egg or flax goo. Add flour mix. Dough should be fairly stiff, like play dough. If it is soft, add a couple tablespoons more of each type of flour. Chill in fridge.

Heat oven to 375 degrees F. Form dough into 1 inch balls, and roll each in sugar (this is the part where having the kids help is truly hilarious. E just eats them raw the second we turn our back on him) Place on a greased or parchment lined cookie sheet, and bake for 8-10 minutes. Cool on wire rack or a clean towel.

Flax Goo: Mix 1 tbsp flax meal into 1/4 cup hot water. Allow to cool. You'll see why it's called flax goo when it gets to room temp...

Tip: Remove only about a cookie sheet worth of dough from the fridge at a time. This is easiest if the dough is cold, though it is still going to be quite sticky.

Postscript: I am adding this post to the 12 Days of Sharing over at In Jennie's Kitchen. Click on the badge below to help end childhood hunger, and check out the great recipes in the process!

And Something Else Again

I've been absent for a while.

Those that know me know, and those that read may have guessed: it has been an ugly year.

I won't go into it all, there really is no point. Bad things happened. They were made worse by ugly people, petty jealousies, arrogance, and ignorance. This is the way of things.

But so many others have supported us, this year. Kindness, love, and generosity of spirit have never been absent from our lives, and we had more than enough to get us through the last nine months. We knew we had good families and good friends. All of this has left no doubt exactly who they are.

And we, really, are okay. We had our bad days, and I will be the first to admit that I was not so very much fun. But ultimately, you have to move on. Pull your energy back out of the negative that you used to cope and forge a path into your new normal. Vitriolic screed is a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

We have a new home, DH has a new job, our kids are happy. Things are different than what we expected, but we will manage.

So much of this was completely avoidable. The rest could have been made easier if more people could just remember the concept of 'There But for the Grace of God Go I.' But that's okay too. Because these sorts of people also tend to forget one other thing.

Karma's a Bitch.

Auld Lang Syne

So, there are not a whole lot of things I regret in my life. There is almost nothing I regret doing, and only slightly more I regret saying. I mostly live life figuring that risk and the possibility of failure and hurt are WAY better than a safe, but very boring existence.

As such, the regrets I do have are the things I didn't do. And one of my biggest regrets is the fact that I really, really suck and keeping in touch with people. It is not that I don't have good intentions (hello, road paving anyone?). I just either get distracted, or busy, or think, 'oh I will wait until I have a chunk of time to reply to this.' And it slips to the second page of my message book or my email box, and then it was so long ago, and on and on. Events nudged me every so often, trying gently to remind me that really, a 5 minute call or quick note now is better than waiting for that 'when you have time' thing. I would get better for a while, then slip back into my old ways.

And then this past fall, the nudges stop. I get a big karmic kick in the teeth. It is not my story, and I don't want to go on, but suffice to say I lost someone this year. The spouse of a close friend, and because, well, neither of us took the time, I did not even know she was sick until I got the message from my friend that his wife was gone. She had been battling cancer for three years. This time, I got the message.

And here is where the risk, and the failure and the hurt come in. Because I decided it may have been a while, or a LONG while, but I am going to write that note, or send an email, or pick up the phone. And sometimes that hurts, because the note gets tossed, the email unanswered, the call, always, seems to hit the voice mail. I know, folks move on, they forget, they do other things. But, despite being a smart alec, and irreverent, I break pretty easy. Okay, really easy. I think the one that hurt the most was the conversation that ended mid stream, with no explanation. That still stings, a month later.

But there are rewards too. The 3 hour phone call with the friend you really did think you had lost, but that had never actually been lost at all. The note you got from a dear friend, telling you how much you have meant to her, that brings tears to your eyes. The other connections you make, friends of friends of friends, and the happy memories they bring back.

So I will keep putting myself out there, I still have a list of folks, people I have not contacted in a long time, that I am thinking about what to say. I won't wait too long this time. I hope that we reconnect.

And I appreciate even more those that reach back, or never lost touch in the first place because they can put up with or overlook my erratic ways. Thank you.

And those voice mails? The notes and emails? That one conversation, stopped mid-stream? All I can say is, for me, friendship does not have an expiration date. A week, a year, 5 years? If you reach back, and I am where you can reach me, I will answer. And I will do it sooner this time. And know too, old friends, no matter what, you are never, ever forgotten.

Reading is FUNdamental

I have always been a reader. Family lore has it that I learned somewhere around the ripe old age of three, and have had my nose in a book ever since. While my parents were occasionally (okay, frequently) annoyed at the chores I left undone while engrossed in the latest tome, it was a habit they otherwise encouraged.

So, in order to share my favorite hobby, and let you people know how truly strange I am, I started a list in the sidebar, My Last 10 Books. Now, I often read several things at one time. I stash a book downstairs for evening reading, one in the van for carpool waiting or when I sit in the driveway in the interest of two kids getting a nap, and one in my walk in closet for when I can't sleep, but also can't stray too far from the La Leche Leech, lest he wake the household in indignation that his na-nas have wandered off. So I will add books to the list as I finish them.

Oh, by the way, each book listed is a link to Amazon, as it was the easiest thing I could think of. If anyone has a better idea, I am all ears...

Life is What Happens...

...when you are making other plans.

In an instant, a day, your life is turned upside down. Everything that was true about the future, isn't. Everything you have been moving toward disappears. A person you don't know makes a decision, and people that don't care shore it up, because to do otherwise would negate all the premises that built the whole thing, and the whole must be preserved, even at the expense of the truth, and your future.

And yet.

You have your health. Your children. Your family. You find out, truly, who your friends are. Life moves forward, and you with it. And you realize this has happened before, more than once. And that, given that we have free will, this will likely happen again, and again, this side of Heaven.

And also, there is Grace. That flip side to free will. I have never, really, believed in the 'God has a plan for you' line, at least not in the way people mean it. I will not justify the poorly thought, the mistake, the selfish, or the pure evil with 'God has a plan.' I believe that God has a PLAN, that PLAN is his Children in Heaven. That is where the Grace comes in. Not only are we saved from our sin, and our free will, by Grace alone. That Grace includes the strength to move forward, the forgiveness when we fail, the Love of a Father.

A week ago the future was ours, the choices all good. Now there may not be any choices. There is a path, which from here looks more like a long, dark tunnel with little hope of light at the end for a very, very long time. But we will walk it, together, hand in hand. We will carry our children, take strength from our friends and family, and believe with all our heart that God is with us.

Two State Solution

Okay, my fun prediction for the election. PA and VA are the states to watch, as they go, so goes the nation.

If PA goes Obama, and VA goes McCain, it will be a very long night.

If both go Obama, he will win decisively, though there will be some heartburn, probably a loss in FL or OH.

If both go McCain, he will win in a squeaker, following the electoral map laid out by Bush.

If they flip, and PA goes McCain and VA goes Obama, get ready for a very, very crazy week. The election won't be called until tomorrow at the earliest, and may go several days and several rounds in several courts.

Okay folks, so what are your predictions??

Get Thee To Thy Polling Place

If you have yet to vote, why are you reading my lame little blog??!! Come on, if I could drag my sorry behind out of bed at 0515 this morning and drive to the polls BEFORE finishing my first cup of coffee, you can go and vote.

And the stats: About an hour wait, I got there at 0540, polls opened at 0600, I was done and back in my truck by 0640. Line was long but moving fast, we had 3 candidates and no questions for voting.

Oh, and if you think of it, thank each and every poll worker you have the opportunity to thank. They are a key link in all of this, and got to the polls crazy o-dark-early, so that all of us can exercise our Constitutional right. It is going to be a very long day for these people, and a smile and word of thanks will surely be appreciated.

Bootstrap Hypocrites

You know, I have heard it my whole life.

(he's just not like us)

Now, my family is not so long removed from falling off the turnip truck. The area I grew up in is full of second and third generation Americans. These folks worked hard for everything they have, and many, especially those from Eastern Europe, faced rampant discrimination when they landed here. Plus, being farmers and coal miners, we were in a small minority. Very few folks understood the realities of our lives.

(we just can't trust him)

Hard work is part of the family narrative for my generation. There was nothing that could stand in our way, we just had to work hard, keep at it, nose to the grindstone, pull yourself up by the bootstraps. Anything is possible. Ignore the folks that think you are stupid because you are rural, and have a funny last name, and grew up on a farm.

(he will take care of his own kind)

For some of us, that is part of the appeal of Barack Obama. Here is a guy that did not have a bunch of advantages. Not so far from falling off the turnip truck. The way he was raised was different than most folks. He has a funny last name. And talent plus determination plus hard work got him into Columbia, and Harvard, and the Senate. Now, maybe even to the Presidency!

(all his appointments will be for THEM)

It's not just that of course. Lots of us have families, and work hard at careers, and are paying off student loans, and juggling what to do with our careers. We see ourselves in the the Obama family, someone who will understand us, work for us, realize that what happens in DC has consequences for us all.

(someone that looks like that is not going to keep his promises)

For most of us, the plans for health care and tax cuts will help too. For the RARE one of us lucky enough to be pulling in a quarter million a year, slightly higher taxes are a small price to pay to get all kids insured, get the country back on track, once again become the envy of the world. Our folks back home do even better under the Obama plan, with lower taxes and the possibility, FINALLY, of decent and affordable healthcare before reaching Medicare age.

(he is just SCARY, and our nation will go to hell with someone like that in the White House)

So the folks back home must be supporting Obama too, right? Right?

Holey (insert explitive here)

Before we purchased it, our house was built/modified/maintained by crazy rabid squirrels smoking crack. Butt ugly wall paper, over other butt ugly wall paper. Paint colors in the same room that should not exist together in the same zip code. Walls where the framing was WAY more than half a bubble off plumb, as were the framers apparently. Mistakes made and hastily covered up. You get the idea.

We have redone most of the house, and just got finished with a total redo of the bathroom. Now, the contractors were great people, but we don't have the money OR the constitution to have folks in our house to do everything. So we are updating the kitchen ourselves.

Okay, so we stripped the butt ugly wall paper, took down the 6 cabinets that never should have been put up, and we are working on the patching and priming. And we were having a disagreement. See, the CRSSC had put a blank wall plate on the wall behind the stove. We figured it was because the outlet was partially blocked and therefore not usable. So we took it off to get at the wallpaper and found

nothing.

Yup, no wire or anything. Just an empty electrical box. The nearest thing we can figure is that they needed the wire for the above the stove microwave. I wanted to remove it, and patch the hole. The husband said no, it will be hard to get out and it will make a big hole in the wall.

Remember those contractors? Well, they needed to get an electrical box out and patch a hole. So they showed me how. Simple really. You pry the box away from the stud a little bit, then cut the nails. Then you do a bit of fancy cut work with a piece of drywall and voila no more hole in the wall. Easy Peasy.

You do see where this is heading don't you?

Since the hubby is out of town, I figured I would use the time my kids were happily reading books this afternoon to get the box out. Now, the prying part was accomplished by the 6'4" contractor dude with a largish screwdriver. While not wee or wimpy, I was in a tight spot and could not get the leverage so instead, I used a small pry bar. And I did not have the nifty little zip tool to cut the nail, so I used a small hack saw.

It was all going swimmingly. Nails exposed, saw working fine. Got the nail to let go.

Remember that pry bar? Well, thing is, even the small ones are heavy. And it is easy to put a bit too much pressure on the wrong spot. Which, in this case, was the side of the electrical box. Which suddenly found itself not attached to the wall on the bottom. And then found itself outside the wall, unfortunately via a path that took it through a large portion of the previously solid drywall next to the box.

I will let you know if the patching goes any better than the prying...

Ode to Iteration

I have been thinking a great deal lately about perfect. I hang out online in lots of Mommy dominant groups. I see such a focus on getting everything perfect. It is an obsession, every facet of parenting must be executed with unerring precision, each child must have exactly the right behavior/diet/stuff/activities or the whole thing was a failure.

Take my kids and my food sensitivities. I figured all of the sensitivities out using trial and error. Even if I had much faith left in allopathic medicine, we don't have the classic IgE allergies. Those are the kind you can go get skin pricked for and, barring the all too common false negatives, you get an answer. So I eliminate suspects, then when the reactions go away we trial one thing at a time to see what is causing the problem. Sure, it takes a while. Sure, you do need to be careful if the reaction is a serious one, and take the necessary precautions. But even allergists, good ones anyway, will tell you elimination and trial is the only way to really know the answer.

Maybe it is because I am a scientist, but it amazes me that most people can't do this. I have lost count of the discussion board threads where a parent goes from doctor to doctor with their sick child. Test after test, appointment after appointment. Weeks and months go by. There is great consternation and frustration, and the child is not getting better. All that trouble for nothing, yet when you suggest keeping a food diary, eliminating a few common food allergens, and maybe switching out a few of the chemical cleaners for more natural items, you might as well be a purple Martian. Folks act like you are absolutely out of your mind, because it is way too hard and besides, you can't possibly take away such and such wonderful healthy food without PROOF that it is causing harm! And how can you kill all those horrible germs without the heavy duty toxic cleaning products!

Even in the wonderful food group I am in you see this. Folks obsess over eliminating just the right things. Spend more time planning the elimination diet than the time it takes on the diet to improve things. Or when things improve, even dramatically, they can't see the forest for the trees. Instead of rejoicing that the eliminations fixed the stomach problems and the eczema and the crazy behavior, they constantly tweak and switch things up and go crazy figuring out if they are getting enough of this or that vitamin. Not only do they rob themselves of the enjoyment of all the improvements, they never get the job done because they can't stop tweaking long enough to actually figure out what is going on. They focus so much on the "mistakes" they made in the diet that they lose focus on the goal, a healthy child.

Every aspect of parenting today is like this. Teach kids readin, ritin, and rithmetic. Forget the joy of a good book, the love of penning a kind letter to a friend, the absolutely nifty a-HA! moment of figuring out that four full 1/4 measure cups fill the 1 measure cup exactly to the top. Make the kids behave, instantaneous obedience and aquiesence to the adult. Forget communicating with the child, helping the child make good decisions, and setting the example. Build the resume to get into the right college (or high school, or PREschool!!). Forget following interests, building on strengths, or heck just letting them be kids and build a fort in the back yard.

I don't know all the answers, our family is far from (that word again) perfect. I yell at my kids sometimes. They misbehave. I forget that a certain food is not safe. They don't always pick up their toys. Horror of horrors, we all watch television. We also play, make messes in the kitchen in pursuit of the yummy cookie, take afternoons to hang out by the pool, sit together reading books, and take long walks after dinner in the evening. We let ourselves have fun and enjoy, even when we have not been perfect.

Yup, I admit, I don't know if I am doing this right. But I DO know, with iron clad, 100% certainty what perfect is.

Perfect is the enemy of all that is good.

Babywearing Bonanza!

While I don't do traditional advertising on this blog, this contest was too good not to pass along. Win FIVE baby carriers! How cool is that? The link will be in my sidebar until the contest winner is announced. There is no purchase necessary. You get one entry for answering a babywearing question, however you want. You can get a second entry by posting a link. That's it!

Oh, and I would be remiss if I did not mention the Babywearing Conference this week in beautiful Chicago! Wish I could be there.

Good luck everyone.

Pop Quiz

Okay boys and girls, it's time for a little science quiz from everyone's favorite rock and dirt specialist. Put on your thinking cap and sharpen you pencils.

1. Old Faithful is a:
a. Geyser
b. Volcano
c. Strong Cocktail
d. B Movie

2. When Old Faithful erupts, you may get:
a. Blown to bits, along with the rest of Seattle
b. Wet
c. Pregnant
d. Fired

3. A rainbow results from:
a. Precipitation washing dust from the air
b. Lightning electrifying particles in the atmosphere
c. Sunlight passing through water droplets in the atmosphere
d. Leprechauns planting pots of gold

4. Roy G. Biv is
a. A Fun Guy
b. Your ex-Boyfriend
c. A Mnemonic Device
d. A Pneumonic Device

5. A Vulcanologist Studies
a. Tires
b. Trekkies
c. Volcanoes
d. Pretty Co-eds

Extra Credit: Pronounce the word Butte correctly.

Okay, so how did you do? And why do I ask? You KNOW there is a back story to this one.

Well, when we went out to dinner the other night, a family was sitting next to us. A college senior had his parents and a young lady friend giggling in horror at his classmates. Apparently, he needed a communications class to graduate, and the only one available was on communicating science to non-scientists. Much of the class had difficulty with the concepts they were trying to communicate, and two women were truly clueless. They spent a good portion of one class arguing with the instructor about Old Faithful. Both swore repeatedly that 'If it erupts again, it is going to take half of Seattle with it!!'

Oh, and the class this young man took to fill out his requirements was offered by his University's College of Education. His classmates were education majors, studying to be middle school science teachers.

Homeschool. I am going to Homeschool...

Cruisin'

There I was, zipping on down the parkway, headed for a night out with the gal pals. Leather seat perfectly adjusted, leather wrapped wheel in my hands. The sun roof was open, the sky was blue, and Mr. J. Geils and his band were pontificating about love (it STINKS) on the XM radio. This, my friends, was a MOMENT, in the nicest car I have ever owned.

Never mind that everyone was staring at that crazy lady singing to herself in the minivan...